When You Say ‘Yes’ to Others, Make Sure You are not saying ‘No’ to Yourself! ~ Paul Coelho

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When You Say 'Yes' to Others, Make Sure You are not saying 'No' to Yourself! ~ Paul Coelho

Learning to be in the world as your authentic self can be scary, challenging, freeing, and eventually joyfully peaceful. What does this mean? How do I get there? Is this important? With everything that is going on in the world today, it is probably one of the most important tasks we can undertake to be able to express and know what we believe. The authentic self has the courage to be vulnerable and loving while strong, the tools to be honest, the backbone to take stands, the ability to be present and conscious, and the wisdom to put it all together. What stands in the way of you really being who you were meant to be? Damaging histories, negative cultural messages, unconsciousness, fear, addictions and laziness are a few challenges to overcome.

The ability to say No is part of the foundation for Living with Dignity. How many of you say yes when you mean No? I’d hate to tell you all the negative things that start to happen in your body because of the stress you just caused yourself by committing to something you either don’t know whether you want to do it, or you do know you don’t want to do it! Why do you say yes? Why do you think people will only like you if you say yes? Why do you need everyone to like you? Why are you afraid to rock the boat with a No? Why do you need all that stress? What do you think happens to the authentic self and your dignity when you do not have the courage to say No when you mean No? At one end of the spectrum you may become the chairman of an event you don’t have time to chair and at the other end of the spectrum you may be the victim of the abuses. The consequences of not having No readily available are being revealed to us more and more. Rapists tell us they can profile the more vulnerable prey. Internet predators will have a more difficult time if you can say No. Child abductors have been known to release a child who fought back or said no. Self-defense courses are about saying No.  Some of the people on one of the planes involved in 9-11 said No as best as they could. We don’t know about the others.

As a parent you need to say No to your children (parenting is not a popularity contest) and you need to teach your children how to say No. Teenagers need to be comfortable saying No when the world gets too big too fast. If you are in a relationship where you are afraid to say No it may be time to re-evaluate. With all the choices in the world, going through life with only yes at your disposal can be life threatening and stressful. Learning how to say No, having the courage to say No, giving yourself permission to say No when you mean No is a cornerstone of living as your authentic self, and living with dignity.

(c) 2014, Anne Brown Permission needed for reproduction in any form.

Read more:

The “Craziness” of People Pleasing and How did we get Here?

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