Who is a Sociopath?

1. They don’t keep agreements.
2. They have a disregard for the law and any rules.
3. They lie, are deceitful, and can use aliases for their own personal financial gains or pleasure.
4. They are not concerned with their own or your safety.
5. And they don’t have remorse which translated means they don’t care that they hurt you.

To learn more about dating sociopaths, author Sophie Saint Thomas spoke with me about denial, seduction, and why to stay clear of Wall Street. 

Below are some of the questions she asked. (Read the full article here: Sociopaths Are Charming, Manipulative, and Fantastic in Bed)

What are some warning signs you could be dating a sociopath?

Probably the number one sign is that they don’t keep agreements. And there’ll be stories that don’t always add up—like, they tell you they have a Corvette [and you never see it.] Then there are stories to explain the stories when they don’t come true.

How do these people maintain such a web of lies?

Well, they don’t really see it as lying. They don’t have a consciousness that says, You’re lying now. They actually believe at the time that they’re telling the story that it will be true. If you and I lie to each other, odds are we’ll go, Well, I just lied. I wonder if I’ll get away with it. But if I’m saying to you, “Oh yeah, my uncle has a big condo in Miami and we can go there,” then that’s what he thinks is going to happen. And then he’ll be like, “Oh, I couldn’t get ahold of my uncle.” Now we don’t know if there’s a condo, or if there’s a person he might have met that has a condo. Everything is not what it seems.

There has to be some point when you can start to see through the facts.

They’re so charming. You like being with them. If you really want to be with that person, you’re going to make up stories and start to defend them. Sociopaths say what they need to get what they want. I worked in jail once and the stories they would tell me—they would rent out apartments that they didn’t own. Now, I couldn’t even think that up.

Are sociopaths capable of more genuine, human thoughts and emotions?

I don’t think there’s awareness. That’s not where they live. They say whatever they want to get what they want. You’ve got to remember that part. They are opportunistic. They are going to win until they get caught. 

Read also: We Need to Talk About Consent During Sex — Not Just Before

Dr. Brown is available as an Emotional Dialogue Editor for Screenplay writers. Email: annebrown@sopris.net

 

How To Beat a Sociopath at His Own Dating Game!

Read First: Sociopaths Are Charming, Manipulative, and Fantastic in Bed

Remember Sociopaths are opportunists and you are at risk of being that opportunity for him. I need five commitments from you if you want to avoid the wake of destruction that comes from dating a Sociopath.

1. Commitment to your Heart

Healing a broken heart takes time in pain and sorrow. Yes, he is fun, exciting, seductive, and yes he is superficial, without conscience, without compassion, a liar, and looking for the opportunity you are. It is not IF your heart will be broken, it is WHEN. Remember Ted Bundy (serial killer) was attractive, athletic, and charming and he killed at least 30 women if not close to 100! Ted Bundy’s final words before he was electrocuted were, “I’d like you to give my love to my family and friends.” NO REMORSE! He wants to send love as though we are going to forget the horrible things he did to beautiful souls. Oh, I am going to die, I guess I’ll send love! Really? Think about that for a long while.

Say no to the first date if you recognize the signs early. Say No immediately when you finally do recognize the signs. Be wary of seductive, fun, and exciting, and look for superficial, lying, without compassion and conscience for openers.

 2. Commitment to your wallet

Healing from a broken heart is one thing, but adding an empty wallet to the broken heart-not so good! Don’t pay when he forgets his wallet. Tell him “how funny I did too”. When you offer to pay when he forgets his wallet you “teach” him, “that was easy, I’ll forget it every time.”

Sociopaths spot your weakness. They have to have that skill. It is how they make it in the world.

Dr Anne Brown

In a healthy relationship, the way money flows is a discussion that happens.  It is not decided by default (who forgot their wallet). Keep your wallet closed at the beginning of a relationship! If a man asks you out, he should take you to a place he can afford.

3. Commitment to NO Savior!

You may be a savior/caretaker in your career (or not), and do not be the savior in your relationship!

When you hear about the lost wallet, broken down car, a job he just lost, the rent he needs to pay or he will be on the street, OFFER empathy and/or encouragement. Nothing else!!! (Ted Bundy got many of his victims by asking them to help him unload his boat/car!) Note to self. Helping people is a lovely quality in the right situation and dating a sociopath is not the right situation. One of the reasons people feel so traumatized when they have been “dumped” by a sociopath is the inequality of what they did for the relationship and what the sociopath did not do for the relationship. Equality in a healthy relationship is a good thing. Sometimes you are being helped and sometimes you are the one giving the help. This does not happen with the sociopath. Listen to all the victim stories you want, and then offer Empathy and/or encouragement: “Life’s lessons can be tough and I am sure you will figure it out.” REALLY listening to all those victim stories may jar you out of his superficial seduction. Boring!

4. Commitment to Making Requests

Many people think being a chameleon is the best way to be in a relationship. Sociopaths want a chameleon. A good partner wants a partner who has opinions, wants, needs, and a road map of how to take care of her. The sociopath is NOT there to take care of you so watch how your requests are honored or not, in a new relationship.  In a healthy relationship, both people take care of each other financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Sociopaths have no interest in this paradigm. Remember Bernie Madoff?  He wouldn’t take your money if you made too many requests like “tell me how you get such a high rate of return on my money”. Bernie was only interested in chameleons! Simply making a lot of requests could have saved a lot of people a lot of money!

5. Commitment to Timing and Patience

Give people time to reveal who they are to you. Companies usually don’t give benefits for 90 days. I have a theory that most people’s “stuff” will start to show in this time period. You want to see how your partner treats his parents, siblings, friends, your friends, colleagues, the people who serve him, and most importantly YOU! You can’t get the full picture in one evening. Take the time to choose wisely, who will go on your journey with you!

 

Recap Sociopath Alert! When you meet someone charming, fun, exciting, and seductive, look for lying, superficiality, no conscience, no compassion, and opportunism.

If you need to explore come armed with your heart, wallet, and caretaker hat under lock and key. Be prepared with lots of time and patience to really rock the boat and see who falls out! 

Dr. Brown is available as an Emotional Dialogue Editor for Screenplay writers. Email: annebrown@sopris.net

© 2023 Anne Brown. Permission is needed for all forms of reproduction.